I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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