Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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