I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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