you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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