Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
