My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
