I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
