just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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