You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We have so much sex to catch up on
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
