So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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