Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
