I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
