During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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