What a fucking waste of an outfit
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
