the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
