This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
