I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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