Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
