does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
