You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
