I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
