12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
