3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
