the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
