is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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