i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just cropdusted the office
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
