Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Randomize
