So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
