sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
