Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
