all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
