can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
