I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
