Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
