I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
