dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
