my phone needs a breathalizer
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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