we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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