so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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