so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
