i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
