....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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