I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
