i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
not ubering you a puppy
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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