i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
where are my eyebrows?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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