I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
