His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
