tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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