I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
