yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
