But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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