I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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