this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
