Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
