The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I am naked and annoyed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
