I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
