did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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