Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
